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And I must say… Tim Gun… you are dropping the ball here… WHY in God’s name hasnt ANYONE said ANYTHING about EVERYBODY FEMALE wearing that HIDEOUS Bronzed Pink color this year…  THANK GOD FOR FUSCIA DRESSES with massive bows to break the norm.

#pinkishideousunlessitsarockstarorpronouncedpinque

                                       The Black and White of VD 

The Black:

But! …Hear me out before you scroll away, decide not to share, or scowl in discontent.

 Think about it.  What holiday is better described in a day like this?  This holiday is nothing but material.  It the one time where we have made for ourselves an excuse for ourselves that love is to be shown how many awesome material things we can buy and do for our partner.  Just as it is also a perfect day to make singles around the world feel badly for not having someone in their lives.  Still reading?… good.  :)

When one thinks back on Valentine’s Days of yore, my point comes even more clear.  Lets all think about it together… how many successful VD’s (We shall refer to it as VD from now on as I see it as a more fitting and un-masking title.) have you had in your lifetime?  How many of those VD’s past have you stressed about what to do for him/her to make it enough?  ”Are the roses enough?  Or should I give them roses and dinner?  Or roses and dinner and a show?  Or roses, dinner, a show and a suite?  …Or, oh, Jesus, is this the year?  Do I need a RING and roses and dinner and a show and a suite and a mortgage and loan to pay for a wedding I’m not ready for but that they’re expecting and keep nagging me about?”  

We worry about all of these things even though all we hear from out partners…all we SAY to our partners is that we ‘don’t really need anything big or that special’ which we all know is utter and total bullshit and code for ‘Nothing short of extraordinary will sate my judgement of you as a person or validate the sanctity of our relationship.’   100% disappointment guaranteed on both ends.

 No matter how hard we try, the expectations of the other are almost never met. Why is this the case so often?  Why are there so many needs that must be satisfied in the form of materialistic objects in order to prove our affection for another person? It is seldom that we have people that forget the holiday as a couple all together and laugh it off, or that we have a couple that is happy just to get to devote a day and night solely to the person that they care about.  

…And let’s be real for a minute… the absolute PARADOX that occurs in this holiday as far as candy and ‘figures’ are concerned is just down right hysterical.  On a day that we are supposed to look ‘amazing’ and ‘so sexy baby’ to our significant others, does no one else find it odd that we are told by consumerism to give said ‘skinny mini’ loves these beautifully wrapped MASSIVE BOXES OF CHOCOLATE CALORIE BOMB in the shape of adorable hearts and flowers with ruffles.  Joy.   (Note to the reader: After doling out said confections, beware the stink eye when you are caught staring at them trying to wriggle back into those skin tight jeans and XS top from their former selves 6,000 calories ago.) ‘No baby, you still look great, I promise! … the Jeans just shrunk, that’s what it is.  They shrunk while we was sleepin’ cause it got so HOT in here baby.’  

The White

On the flip side of things, and because I am forever an optimist, there are those times to be mentioned where people who really do love each other really appreciate this day and use it for the purpose it was meant for.  Love.    

Love isn’t expressed in what these pairs think they should do, its expressed in what their hearts guide them to do.  I think that any of us that recall a good relationship or two that overlapped a VD.  Even I can recall one.  Just one, but a worthy one.

We were both young.  Very young.  It was only several years ago in hindsight, but it is incredible how much one can grow in a very short time when forced to do so.  Anyway… there were roses and cards involved, yes.  There was wine and dinner and a movie on the couch with candles, yes.   But none of it was asked for.  None of it was planned.  That all just happened.  We both wanted it to happen.  That part of the evening set itself up because it was easy and the hustle and bustle meant nothing because it was all done with ‘them’ in mind.  

That wasn’t what made it extraordinary.  It was the romanticism involved.  The way this man adored me, and the absolute revelry in the fact that I adored him right back.  The gazes into loving eyes as we kissed in the pool and spa under the stars where we first met, the way he held my hands so gently and so firmly.  The passion in him when he kissed me with everything in his being.  The way he said he loved me… the day on the calendar had nothing to do with it.  It was all the way it had been going on its own for months… the day just happened to be a vessel for more.  The evening ended in moonlight with music, candles, Estancia Cabernet and lying in a bed next to the most beautiful person I had ever seen to that point… the most beautiful person in my world was laying next to me, looking at my eyes and running his fingers lightly over my lower back.  After some lingering kisses, he rolled over facing me, as he always did in the ‘golden years’ and nuzzled his face into my neck and wrapped his arms and legs around my body and fell almost instantly asleep.  My gentle giant, my love, my Valentine…  How do I remember this evening?  I wrote it down when it happened… 5 years ago. 

Perhaps it is out of the White and Black that we attain balance… and an appreciation for what we would like out of life.  One cannot life in the purest of states for long without plunging into darkness from time to time just as one cannot live in a state or darkness without finding the light once in a while.  Balance… and with it comes knowledge.  Do we really need a holiday of red and white telling us what is and isn’t acceptable in order to get love in life?  Do we really want some trained thinking brought on by society’s pressures to dictate how our relationships go, or can we take a stand and simply do what we feel and be honest in it?  What does your heart tell you to do with your VD?   

In retrospect, I would wager that VD is only 95% Disappointment Guaranteed, with a think margin of success amongst those lucky enough to be oblivious to its rancid torment.  Happy Valentine’s Everyone

“These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless.   And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends.”

“I’ve been most unwilling to see this turmoil of mine.  The thought of sitting with this has me paralised.  With this prolonged exposure to nearer and averted eyes.

 I think that I have been waiting such mileage for empethising.  

Its been all too easy to cross your arms and roll your eyes.

 The thought of dropping all arms, leaves you terrified.

 Id have to give up knowing, and give up being right.

 … You win.  Avertant hero.  You angel in disguise…

 And Now I see the madness in me is brought out in the presence of you.  

And now I know the madness lives on when you’re not in the room.  

And though I’d love to blame you for all, I’d miss these moments of oppertune.

 You’ve simply brought this madness to light and I should thank you

.Oh, Thank you, much thanks for this bird’s eye view.

 Oh thank you for your most generous triggers.”

 ”You found creative ways to distance.  You hid away much through humor. Your choice of armor was your intellect.  And so you fell and you’re still here.  And so you died and you’re still standing.  And so you soften and still save the inner command.  And I salute you for your courage.  And I commend you for your wisdom. And I embrace you for your faith in adversarial forces.  And I support you in your trusting. And I applaud your perseverance. And Im amazed by your surrender in the face of threatening forces that I have observed.”